I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
