yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize