Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is Oprah even human
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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