His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
