You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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