She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it penis luge time yet?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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