and i looked up. we had an audience...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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