so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
