my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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