I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
