Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
