i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
