So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
