the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize