just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
