I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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