I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
accomplished twins. life is a go
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
