My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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