Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
