Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
