Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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