it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
