and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize