We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
