mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
