mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
