They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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