The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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