You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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