You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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