she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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