I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
