If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
