Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
