oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
