I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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