atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
