I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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