3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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