you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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