these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just pee around me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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