Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
