so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
