I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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