Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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