btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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