JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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