i just had sex bonerless
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
