i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
