I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
