i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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