He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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