I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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