My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
