I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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