Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
