My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
