I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
