Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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