I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
