omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
