he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize