Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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