dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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