dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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