Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
