I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
