I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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