I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
