Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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