I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize