Are my feet made of real feet?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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