Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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